Tough Love & Saving Time

People unlike to talk about tough love and how vital it is. We tend to stick with the cliché and our credence from its exertion of being and living as a being, but when we actually apply the talk and do judgment of the season oftentimes people perceive us no more than a less cynical ,psychopath and at times living pain within us. It’s not about loving less but a discernment to redeem a season of saving. The truth is! Most oftentimes we fail to acknowledge the lesson of the season simply because our boundary is set on what our eyes could perceive, our ears wish to adhere and what confine’s our logic. Seriously! I urge you to widen your horizon and go beyond your self-perception and let neither sarcasm nor hypocrisy limit your thoughts about this matter, if you’re not up to the challenge then please! Please! Don’t go farther reading this post cause what lies beyond this is the truth that you wish you never heed.

      

Let’s do away with the irony and insincerity and face that concrete wall that the epitome of love is not a matter of giving and loving but contentment and discipline. Relationship shouldn’t be based on seasons but on the foundation of trust and faith, it’s not a relationship if you haven’t withstood all of its catastrophe and have remain faithful since the first date you put love as a part of your being.  Imagine a seed becoming a tree if it hasn’t remained true to its purpose; imagine earth without creatures – who would inherit the land?

The next time you fall in love be reminded that love is not a matter of a showboat but a commitment that will last for eternity.

Peace Out 

In Another Life Time

Our life is build in a condition of certainty, it is crafted in a manner that we have a opaque perception of its destination and most oftentimes we stand in belief of what is current but why do petals plunge to death and the world seems to age in a manner that is contradicting to what we perceive.

It is not what I have foreseen with our relationship. Fate has destined us to meet and even in spite the few certain times we have parted ways and bid goodbye it has brought us back together. I was contented and never in a lifetime had I felt this extreme bliss having you neither near nor far, but how can you hold on to love when you decide to let go and not see the man in me who have loved you unconditionally?  And no matter how much I knocked in your heart how can you hear it when you have build a strong concrete barrier between us? It had made a fool out of me and right now I could completely say that I am insane, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think for in everything that surrounds me reminds me of you and I. Pain consistently drawn me every second of the day, regretful and pity had consumed this being who use to share the joy and the life we once shared. I really want to fight to what I believe that deep inside your heart theirs is still me even if it means a lesser space in your heart, saying this is breaking me into pieces and right now at this very moment tears just simply fall and its falling fast same as what is happening between you and me.

I believe what wasn’t meant to be, wasn’t meant for now. I will wait in another life time and I will wait patiently because you’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with, even if I have to wait for eternity. I am not even certain if you will be able to read this post or will come across to this blog but I’m writing this down to remind me of that special love in a wrong time.

I love you goodbye.

Silence Tongue

I haven’t met you yet, but I listen to this song, and the way it makes me feel, it makes me know you, and I hope that I will meet you someday because it is the feeling of being in love and I know that it’s ridiculous to feel this from listening to a song.

You! Who are you, where are you, and why is it taking so long? I don’t even see you in the horizon, but one day, there you will be, no questions need assuring and forever will loom in front of us, something, days, weeks, years, all with this feeling at the bottom of it, chills going through my stomach and the biggest, stupidest smile on my face reflected back to me on your face.

A lot of things had happen lately since the last blog I posted, it sucks but I have no choice but to be silent about it, taking time to be away from everything including my writing thoughts. This couple of months made a better person in a way I have ousted my anger, depression, and my hatred in the world and have resonated with clear thoughts and unblemished heart. It was an unordinary task cause most of the things I wrote are based on emotions, I have allowed pain to take toil within me till my heart becomes numb and my weary eyes could no longer bare to shed tears no more.  

I become tired of chasing answers to pressing questions, more in the idea of serendipity and the thought of love. I used to be optimistic about it but as I evaluate things love was never meant to be a pursuit but waiting.   

So this time I will wait and let God be the cupid. 

Permítanme hablar contigo

I am but a vicious man, whose lips and tongue are as deadly as a poison who speaks of truth and curse living with lies. Will that make me an enemy of the state or just plainly an ignorant fool who dwelt where palm tree grows?

 

I am a traveller to all parts and a newcomer to none. I travel the earth and the astral plains. I expedite the void not thinking about direction be it on high hills or in the depth of the sea. I know how to name and class all the strange flowers that grow, pretenders, hypocrites, fakes all seems to know my name. I trembled once when I flung in the no man’s land. The minutes turned to deathly hours, cold sweat drips, knees shake, breathe draw weak death draws the demon nearby.  

I am weak and sooner will rot to the ground, not a gentle sound of piece of words profound. I try to reach many but only a few will hear the sound of my voice or my footsteps. I choice to hide in the shadows of days and nights, I am dreary and my energy hardly glows.  As petals blossom in the buds of May its beauty will soon fade away for neither on this ground is endless, all are subject to change.  

I try to build my legacy that the future might speak of a being that once touch lives and once dwelt in the earth. If I speak of what I have obtained will you listened or simply ignore? This lowly man who is a strangers at sight and a true being to oneself. If I cry will you comfort me? Or simply just pass me by. If I laugh will you share my thoughts? Or simply will condemn me of being insane. If I’m in doubt will you be at my side? Or simply make excuses and make things obvious that you’re avoiding being nearby. Will you listen to your heart’s content or will you be the same fraud that hides and spy?   Till then I will always be your ALTER EGO constantly knocking at your door till you realize your self-worth.  

ALTER EGO

04July2012

Alter Ego

My eyes are sealed from the shadows of the storm, I am blinded where black and white collide. My tongue can’t sense the water dripping; for drought had taken its place. How I wish I am naïve not to notice the circumstances that is taken toil or just plainly dumb not to feel the weight of its pain. Fate is beyond my grasp and the burden is on the far side of my control. I cease to write for my demise is near but my thought urges me to take account of what are yester day’s and yester years. My experience speaks of thee verse of continues struggle and unending condition of worldly ache; and most oftentimes I feel and wish that I never come to existence. Forgive me for this foul words but this is the reality at this point in time: I am still uncertain of the unfathomable prospect tense.

I made a pact within myself not to write explicit judgment nor speak of lies since the day I find joy in writing. This is my passion and this is my sole confinement of hatred, anguished, frustration, pain, burden, awed, numb and delight. This is my life and I am writing it down the way it happened and the way I want my future will be. I write not to deceive you nor make you believe of the significance of each thought but simply laying it down what my soul wishes to speak.

So allow me to speak to you in chronicle that you might understand and grasp my very thought, your plain ordinary being who’s wishes are simple yet hard to attain. You’re a hypocrite that hides behind a smile and who loves to wear faces that people fail to notice and see the pain that you bore 30 years and counting. You speak of no lies and yet fooled yourself with deceits that in everything that you do you’re tough and sturdy but yet you cried late at night. You’re a tree that depends on its roots amidst of the storm and drought, yet you manage to shook it all and still remain unmoved have endure every scars and ache. You’re a person who has great heart for goodness but have been abuse consecutively by hungry pry that takes advantage of your strength and left you hanging shattered into pieces. At times you feel that God had forsaken you for putting you beyond its test but in the end of the day you called for His mercy and relays on His greatness.

For Christ sake listen and stop playing dump! Why in the world will you let yourself be a sacrifice of everything when in fact you and I are aware that you had too much to bear, why do you let yourself be hang and take the blame when we both knew that self-sacrifice are way too old and dumb to begin with.

Why do you always have to think of other people first rather than giving yourself its worth for all that we’ve been through. Make a stand and fight for your right we both deserve it after the hardship and cruelty that we have face! Tell me when will you ever learn and when will you have the courage to raise at every season!

Stop that! Don’t you dare push me away! I had to much of this misery, so shut up and let me preach! Now tell me honestly are you happy with this life or again are you the same hypocrite, deceitful to one’s self? All I ever wanted was for you to find that happiness that you truly earn be happy mike and stop pretending. You still have a life ahead of you.

ALTER-EGO

14June2012

Work, Fun and Exhaustion

 Sorry for being away for to long, routine and responsibility had dominate me lately. Anyways, allow me to share with you the things that occupied me lately. 

This is one of the proposal for additional covered walk at University of San Jose - Recoletos

 

 

 

 

 

Proposed Two - Storey Residential, owner Engr. Tabada

Proposed Canteen Layout at ACT

Proposed Two Storey Residential at Talisay

Wordbliss logging out.

Inner Revival

When my life is a threat

And is full of regret

All I should have is faith

And my life shall be great

When I stumble and fall

And can’t get through it all

All I should do is call

And He shall heal my soul

When I feel being pressed

And cannot stand the test

I seek Him first and do my best

Then my day shall be blessed

It was so clear to me

That He’s always with me

He had set my heart free

So I shall worship Thee

If you’ve notice I have been silence for quit sometimes hiding my own identity in a husk  simply because I’m enjoying the sound of it and by doing so it had given me the time in the world to contemplate on everything within me and my boundary. As I aged a year older I have come to communion with what is inevitable and the things that is lasting. I have come face to face and have seen a clear perspective of the man that stood in the mirror from every downfall and every height, taking pride on every misery and bliss, simply marveling on my own imperfection, unbalanced emotional disorder through perfection. 

As I turn to another page of life I cannot promise myself of anything but to stand in firm foundation of faith. Questions still remains unrequited, answered seem insufficient and the future still remains uncertain. Sure I’m in my downward drift but the more it pulled me down its decline had leaded me to my knees. The only thing that is consistent in life is Him. 

I have written this down to remind me in the future the decision that I had made on this day and the covenant I had made with Him.

Waiting

I think you are the sea that stretches out before me, where eternity lies on the horizon, and your beauty endures everlasting. You’re the vapor -- moist and cool, pouring yourself over me. As a wave's gentle rhythm, you come wrapping smoothly over my heart.

You are the heaven that pours perpetual ecstasy. You are bluer than indigo, frosted and tipped with iridescent clouds, a contrast, shuddering against the crisp green earth. Verdant and luxuriant, you become as I stretch out in your love.

How can you be so many things to me? What can I become in return? Till the day I die, I will get up each day to write all the poems in my heart for you, but I think I can never find enough words to express the love that I feel, I’m sealed by this emotion that such affection be in contemplate with your blessing.

The image of your face is an endless repetition in my mind. Your voice runs as a deep river in my soul. I imagine your touch and I feel as if a wind blows through me. I see you and pray that the unexpected will happen - that you will see me.

Is there a combination from the infinitesimal number of words that exist that could make you love me? Do you recognize me? I am the one that remains silent, a captive heart, wishing to be set free by your love.

What is it that comes after me, that in spite of the little taught that I have shared with you had lured me into a trap. Speak to me with words that your hearts possess. Speak to me like a noble waiting for your command.

May I be the person that you truly love?

I wait… for your coming.

21 March 2012

Today is simply an ordinary day, where the sun speaks of unending promise as I seat in front of my usual workplace my intellect roams beyond my habitual task, exhausted, emotionless and dumb (to think it’s only 8:35 in the morning).  I guess I’m just way too agitated with over size work and pending deadlines of current and future identified projects.  This is one of those days that my intellect and my stubbornness are fighting to conquer to rule over my world.  How I wish I can sing the lazy song by Bruno Mars but then again I have to drag myself back to reality: as always I am left with a definite choice, I suppose by now I should have been used with this situation where everything is but a routine, where expectations are high in spite of inconsistent health and unbalanced psychological mindset. I am aware that sometimes we need to pass the burning heat for us to refine ourselves and to weigh the value of one’s heights, besides all gold are tested to confirm its rate.     

Things had become as different as I age a date older; turning another chapter replicating the last digit of the calendar indicates that I’m aging. J  Time really flies and it’s showing me the speed of its phase, I don’t know whom is it chasing or is it just modestly showing me the significance of a season. I have done everything in a span of a year I speak, laughed, and cried. I take plunge to every emotions and intellect under the sun. God knows how I love its cycle and accepted the inevitable kaleidoscope of life.   Allow me to share a thing or two what the previous year had thought me.

Everything has a reason and a season, a person’s involvement in our life is an answered calling to meet with what you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They came to assist, deliver guidance, support and to aid you substantially, emotionally, or even spiritually. They came expectedly or unexpectedly because you simply allow them to enter the gate.

Sometimes they left or simply die for the season for us to grow and learn, nothing in this world is constant and consistency is consistently difficult.  They act up or out and force you to take a stand for us to realize if our necessity has been met, our desired fulfilled; simply because their work is done.

When People come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share. They bring forth unbelievable amount of bliss but take note like spring turns to summer and summer to fall, the season eventually ends, for nothing in this world is lasting but change.

Relationships are lessons and are built in solid ground. Our job is to acknowledge the lesson and put beyond words the things you have learned in all other relationships and areas in your life. See beyond the clairvoyant façade of love. Thank you for being part of my life…. 

19Mar2012 - The Birthdate of My Late Grandmom

I want to dedicate this day to the woman who made me first fall in love, someone whom I miss the most who made a huge impact in my life. My late Grandmom

                                                            Adieu

It was one hasty afternoon; the heaven is in havoc, sighting a great turmoil in the land; as my body is starting to freeze the temperature has drop like hell devouring my nerve with a cold sensation. My heart was blazing with fire as I fought the storm that is going to evade the world with rampage. I run as fast as harder as I can, until I came to a peculiar place that once was a part of my being; I paused in anticipation of whether taking the courage to step a foot on that old silly place. 

I stood near the pavement of the usual and familiar place, turning back the hands of time what could and had been. Each single moment is starting to drip piece by piece haunting my present.

In my own solitude, I gaze into an enchanted fallacy of childhood and fantasy. Mystery had poisoned my nerves with a tormented spell that deafens away memories, old memories that once lured me into the depths of yearning. 

I sigh, I breathe. Wishing all this things came into a nonexistence. The past can never be a future, but why is it all coming back to me now? Why is it that every time I live, I’m drawn back to my grave? My soul begins to cry, I’m missing her and I’m missing her big time.

Wordbliss

                                                Walk in the Clouds 

Dusk covers the air with grief and the morning breeze astonishes life in pain. Such pain occupies beyond the universe’s horizon. Its dim convey the feeling of sadness occupied my tormented heart with longing ness of dear soul. 

The battle has been fought within me; the weight of its burden is unbearable. I wanted to run and hide but infliction haunts me, hopelessly dying on the comfort of its misery. I can help myself but cry; tears have been my allies.

My grandmother pasted away. She means the world to me, she was my everything. She see through me and within me, in spite of the inequities she accepted me. She was the ear; my sponge on my struggle of becoming a man.

Late night of at around 10:00 pm she fooled a joke out me knowing that my heart was in fuss. You see! There’s nowhere else I run through every time I feel the burden had consumed me but only in her presence. Her eyes, her smile and her humility make her one of a kind. Yet! She never ceases to remind me to take care of my precious son, to my dismay it was our last conversation. And what hurts the most is that I was the last person whom she had spoken too… 

I love my Grandma far beyond anybody else in this world and losing her means losing my sanity in vain… Till this very day. I’m still in dilemma on why such a person like her would pass away… but in spite of it all I thank her for the memory…

I love you Lola…

Thanks for the memory…

Forever shall I treasure you…

And forever you shall live in my heart…

Though the only difference now is I could no longer feel your presence…

Wordbliss

                                              The Life Once Have

Each sunrise bring new beginning, a hope that beacon towards the future. It’s a pace that every soul partake, irregardless how huge the burden will be.

 

I was among the crowd that conceals my identity to the world, day by day my soul hover in elms deep. There was none to master and everyone came to no existence, just me and my restless heart. I refuse to live and be apart of anything, for it is in faith that scares are created and in faith you lose once thrust.

I had long been died. There’s no better sweet that lingers in the past, a past that haunts eternity with bliss. Memoirs of what life once had. She was far beyond beautiful; she was a perfection of grace. My mortal confinement that mould my identity but still she past away….

And I’m missing her on her very own birth date.

Happy birthday la….

And I love you so much…

You’re always in my heart….

Till we meet again…

Wordbliss